today i am starting this blog. i have no idea how it is going to go, but what i do know is i need an outlet. somewhere i can voice my concerns, my joys, my fears and everything else that i feel in my everyday life. i feel like the last three and a half months have shed a bright light on me. i've asked myself several times, "do i really know who i am?" am i dewaynes wife? haydyn and bode's mom? of course i am those things, and very much enjoy being those things. but who am i besides that? i'm not sure i can say.
i do not blame in any way dewayne for me feeling this way. do i blame his affair? no, but i do blame it for shining the light on my situation. and while i'm glad i am taking the time to figure out me, and not to say i will have it figured out in a matter of a few months, i hate what it took to open my eyes . . .
not only have i been thinking about "finding myself" but i have also been dealing with the emotional and physical pain of his affair. when will everything go back to what it was? when will i feel relaxed? when will i be able to look at my husband and know for sure he is happy . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment